“He just completely turned on me on the flight home. I saw a completely different side.”
“Oh there’s a few of those around lately I’ve found!”
Workplaces often necessitate the need to bite your tongue, hold your breath and work together like happy little children. Cabin crew are known for their people and interpersonal skills, and being able to get along with everyone, including a diverse range of cultural backgrounds is essential for success in the job.
As crew, our relationships and our reputation with our colleagues are all we have. Working with so many different people, being away from home, and all working in close contact and proximity means you need to form bonds quickly. But with so many different personalities, opinions, and some of them quite strong ones, it’s inevitable that clashes occur. Most of the time it’s not an issue, but now and then people flip. Turn. Snap. Whatever you want to call it, when it happens it’s not pretty.
Quite often I work with people that may not be my cup of tea – and its almost always completely no issue, but there was this one time where I completely lost my shit, and regretted it pretty much immediately after. Let this be a lesson in what NOT to do.
HOW IT BEGAN
It had been a pretty amazing 7 day trip, with great layover lengths in LA and then a 24 hour slip in New York. Crew were all socialising, catching up and making the most of the downtime. Problem is many of us probably were burning the candle at both ends, with 14 hour flights, jet lag and then our itinerary packed schedules. New York was always the highlight of the trip, but the cumulative jet lag and fatigue really begins to bite at this point of the trip.
It was a busy dinner flight leaving JFK bound for LAX, the flight was full and passengers were restless and wanting a drink and dinner. Because of the high volume of air traffic at JFK, especially in the evenings, it’s not uncommon to wait for at least an hour for your takeoff slot which only adds to the arduous duty. During this time on the ground, a well to do couple asked me if it was possible to keep their high grade marbled Wagyu steaks in our ‘fridge’ as they were worried their chiller bag wouldn’t keep it cool enough during the flight.
I knew fully well that we weren’t really allowed to store and be responsible for other people’s food or belongings, but sometimes discretion could be applied. There was something in the way that I was called over in a manner of ‘can you please help us’ as I was walking past, that caught me off guard. They were lovely, but I got the sense they would make a big drama if I said no, so put on the spot, I decided to take the steaks and put them in the galley chiller.
Sometimes it’s easier to say yes than no to passengers, and by our very nature, flight attendants aim to be people pleasers. One other thing I have learned is sometimes it is better to do just do something, rather than ask. Seek forgiveness, don’t ask for permission, kind of a deal.
I thought I could discreetly stash it in one of the empty chiller carts we wouldn’t be using, but as luck would have it, at that moment, the galley operator stepped into the galley and asked me what I was doing and what I was holding. Alas, I was caught steak handed. Now, as lovely a guy as the galley operator was, he was a stickler for the rules, and very procedural, and protective of his galley. He had been like this the whole trip. Took the mechanics of the job very seriously. Fair enough.
I tried to explain the situation I was put in, and that I’d already said yes, but he said I’d have to tell them no to which I refused. He then said he would get the manager involved because of the risk of contamination. I definitely didn’t want the supervisor having to get involved in all of it, just for storing some bloody steaks.
It was this point I had a bit of a meltdown. I’m known to be a bit emotional – this can be good and bad – this time it was bad. I was in a fluster, enraged that I felt like I had no autonomy to genuinely help someone, and really felt like the risk of contamination was completely overstated as the cart was empty and we have temperature gauges. What did it really matter to anyone else? I also had to go back to the couple a try to explain it wasn’t allowed after I had already said yes. I could already sense their anger.
THEN A SWTICH FLIPPED
The galley operator could see I was getting mad and said something like “ Are you alright, it’s ok calm down just tell them no… “
I then said something to the effect of:
“Why do you have to be so difficult all the time, you have been such a pain this whole trip, bossing me around on how to do things, and I’ve put up with it. Everyone has to have a say on everything in this place. This is none of your business – leave me alone!”
These were definitely not very choice things to say in any workplace, but worse was my tone. My emotions and anger completely got the better of me, and I think I very close to yelled. Not a very fine moment. Another crew happened to walk into the galley just as this outburst of mine was in full swing. My timing had been amazing yet again. Completely taken aback, the galley operator backed down, and said any consequences of the steak storing was on me.
It was incredibly awkward for the a couple of hours or so, but I quickly realised I had lost my shit, and had went on the attack , letting my frustration get the better of me. I honestly blame my tiredness and exhaustion on much of it – but there was a lesson in it for me in how I respond to others when frustrated.
The challenges of an aircraft is that you have to work in close proximity, and I soon apologised because not only did we have to work together, but that I also felt dreadful, and realised the galley operator was just doing his job the way he thought was best.
Luckily my apology was accepted graciously. Thank god, because I had genuinely thought the crew member was a nice guy, and had enjoyed spending time with the crewmember on the trip. I said that to him, and to would have been a shame to let something like this sour the trip. Stupid steaks. It all was ok. And it was a lesson for me to try to calm my emotions, but also if I am in the wrong to try and make it right ASAP. The rest of the trip was cordial, if not perhaps a little bit awkward on my end.
HOW IT ENDED
The crew member I ‘turned on’ was from a different base than mine, we actually had never flown together before the trip, and likely wouldn’t fly together again for quite a while – if ever. But a year or so later we were on the same flight, and it took me a couple of second glances to remember and I said ‘Do you remember me? and he replied ‘oh how could I forget!’
We had a great laugh about it and the memories of that trip in general. Crew at the end of the day understand each other pretty well most of the time.
Moral of the Story
Sometimes people lose their shit. And even the most lovely are capable. There’s usually a reason why, even if it’s not really justifiable, it doesn’t mean you should write them off as a Tina Turner. If it’s you who overreacts, the best thing to do is to acknowledge it humbly and try to not do it again. Shit happens.
I can’t say that I’ll never react in ways I regret on board again, but hopefully not, and definitely not over something as silly as some bloody steaks!
